If You Could See Through My Eyes.

Happy Saturday, Sweet Peas.

I mentioned during Blog a Day in May that as well as blogging, I also write my own poems and stories. My last poem had a pretty good response (check out here), so today I am going to share another one with you.

Not going to lie, I’ve been going back and forth about whether I should post this. But I’ve always been pretty open about mental health and I’m hoping opening up a little might help someone else do the same. This poem is about depression. More specifically, my depression and what it was like for me. I recommend clicking off this if this is a subject that is a trigger for you.

The thing about depression is it’s not a one size fits all, everyone experiences it differently. But one thing I have noticed is that if you’ve never experienced depression first hand, you can’t fully understand it. This was how I felt when I went through my first bout of depression when I was in my teens. ‘No one would understand’, ‘these thoughts were stupid.’ I felt if I told people my depression was like shadows creeping in, following me everywhere I went they would think I was crazy.

Suffering from depression doesn’t mean you’re crazy or weak. Depression is a battle, and it is a long road but with the right help from the right people, it is possible to build yourself back up again. Take each day as it comes, and celebrate all your victories no matter how small.

I wanted to say this before sharing the poem because this poem was a victory for me. I wrote this poem on a dark day, I locked it away thinking I would never read it again. But it made a return twice (now three times) since. The next time I looked at it was when I finally spoke to someone who understood. She was an artist and she illustrated the poem for me as well as convincing me I wasn’t going mad. The second time was during a writers retreat, my depression was hibernating but my anxiety was in full swing. I got up on the stage anyway, giving myself 60 seconds of bravery. I read this poem to the group, palms sweaty and chest tight. I stumbled over my words once, stupidly apologising. But the audience applauded and someone even whistled. That was a big victory. And now I am sharing it again, depression and anxiety are looming, threating to make a return. But I’ve fought them off once and I know, with some help, I’ll do it again. Every time I share this poem, I remind myself how much stronger I have become since the night I wrote it. Without further ado…

If You Could See Through My Eyes.

If you could see through my eyes,

You’d see them all around.

Creeping from behind the door;

Seeping up from the ground.

 

If you could see through my eyes,

You’d feel their menacing gaze.

Eating through your confidence;

Locked in your room for days.

 

If you could see through my eyes,

You would turn the lights down low.

Suffer there in the darkness;

Pray the scars don’t show.

 

But you can’t see through my eyes,

You’ve never felt the pain.

The shadows sit there waiting;

As blood goes down the drain.

 

Image by Meg James
Image by Meg James

 

 

We are strong, we are mighty, we are not alone.

Screen Shot 2018-06-14 at 20.34.44

unnamed

facebook

twiiter

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s