It was as I was sat, looking up at the most spectacular catherdral I had ever been in, waiting for my graduation ceremony to begin that I realised. Holy crap, I’m here.
Back in 2012 I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I wasn’t smart, talented or, at this point, motivated enough to achieve anything great. Or so I thought. All of my friends, the people I had grown up with, were heading off to university and I was stuck in the same place I had always been. I’d always thought I was destined for great things, but it didn’t look like I was going to fulfill them.
But I had a dream. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to achieve greatness. I wanted to make my parents so proud they cried! But by the seems of it, I was going to remain in my soul destroying retail job.
Now this post is not going to be a depressing post about how crap retails jobs are, some people love working in retail, but I wasn’t happy and this post is how I kicked myself up the arse and finally worked towards what I wanted.
By this point in my life I had already failed my A levels (in fact I only did the one year). So instead, two years after failing my A levels, I paid to enrol myself on an Access to Higher Education course. This course was basically two years worth of A levels shoved into one year. Long story short, I did the course and was accepted into five Universities. So I chose my Uni and in September of 2014 off I went.
University was my biggest wake up call. I realised very quickly that I wasn’t going to be handed greatness on a plate, I would have to work for it and I would have to work bloody hard. I did alright at the end of my first year, not great by alright. My second year, I hit rock bottom.
My grades were slipping and so was my metal health. I became depressed and my anxiety reached a point where I couldn’t leave the house. I broke up with my partner, I stopped caring about my grades and by that summer my hopes of achieving top marks were looking very slim.
During the summer of 2016 I knew I needed help. Something was wrong. I went to the doctors and was later diagnosed with Poly Cysistic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). The hormone imbalance along with my contraceptive pill and my student diet were making me feel awful! So I came off the pill and went on to anti anxieties, changed my diet so that I didn’t eat meat (but still ate fish), didn’t eat dairy and avoided gluten. Gradually I started to feel more like myself again. But my grades from second year were so bad! There was no way I could recover them!
A quote I have grown to live by is that: ‘Fate is the cards you have been dealt, Destiny is how you play them.’
I had been dealt a pretty shitty set of cards, but I was going to play them as good as I got! So my third year I worked hard, harder than I have ever worked in my life. I started this blog, determined to start my career on social media. I wrote story after story and started sending them of to pubishers and magazines. I began working on my novel, as that was something I had always wanted to do. But above all I pushed myself to my limit. Yes there were times that I literally sat for half and hour on the floor in tears of frustration. But my friends and family were there to support me and I knew I couldn’t let them down.
So back to the point of this post. Follow your dreams! Don’t live for other people. If you know you want to do something, don’t be afraid to try. If it’s worth it, it will be a lot of work but you have to remember WHY you want it! WHY you are doing it and what you are gaining from it.
So I sat there in the catherdral as the dean of my university proclaimed us the class of 2017 and tears came to my eyes. I did it! I graduated University with a first, my parents cried with pride as I collected my degree. I have currently had two stories published and I have been approached for a third. I am currently in the process of working on my first novel with my wonderful editor.
So even if you’re lost and you don’t think you’re worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT! Follow your passion, because where there is passion, greatness will follow.
Good luck with your dreams! Follow them, they will lead you to where you are meant to be.